


The Catfish

by ErejeanAnonymous



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Catfish - Freeform, Eating Disorders, Getting to Know Each Other, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2019-05-03
Packaged: 2020-02-16 08:44:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18688060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ErejeanAnonymous/pseuds/ErejeanAnonymous
Summary: Eren thought that it would be funny - something to think back on and laugh about. When things don't go the way he expects, everything is thrown out of sync, and he has to find a way to make everything right again.





	The Catfish

It wasn’t supposed to go this far. 

Three weeks ago, I stumbled across Jean Kirstein’s Tumblr account. It was nothing too interesting - just an aesthetics account, occasionally with some semi-personal text posts from him. It wasn’t really something Jean would freak out about if people were to find it, but it was pretty obvious that it wasn’t intended to be shared with his friends.

Being the dumbass that I am, I had decided it would be funny to message Jean from one of my more anonymous accounts, introducing myself to him as Nate Connors. Thinking back on it, I’m not really sure what I was expecting to happen. To be honest, I kind of just figured I could mess around a little before revealing my true identity, or, if I really didn’t want to do that, I would just block Jean’s blog and stop messaging him altogether.

What I hadn’t expected to happen was to start forming an actual bond with the guy. Every time I would think ‘okay, maybe I should tell him already’, Jean would bring up a new topic of interest and I couldn’t help but continue to talk to him. 

A little more than a week into it, things went from bad to worse. To put it short: Jean was feeling shitty, ‘Nate’ asked why, and now I know that Jean is not only a year older than everyone thinks he is, but that the reason he’s older than the rest of our school year is that he had dealt with a fucking eating disorder. An eating disorder which, by the way, he since has gone into great detail about.

I hadn’t even noticed anything that would even make me suspect his situation. Hell, nobody had. He says he isn’t as bad as he was before, and that people never notice anyway, but still; He had moved to the area a year and a half ago, which I now know was because Jean’s family thought it would be good for him as some kind of fresh start. I would have thought that at least someone would have noticed.

Carrying on; there was no way I was going to tell him the truth after that. If it wasn’t something the other’s had been told, then it definitely wasn’t something that Jean would want me to know. Hell, we’re hardly even friends. Sure, we hang out together with the same group of people at school, and sometimes outside of school as well, but we aren’t close or anything. Most of our conversations consist of insults or sarcastic comments - neither of which bothers us, since we both know we’re just messing around, but still.

Jean only became more open after that first personal conversation. It seemed to be such a relief for him to talk about stuff since he wasn’t in contact with many old friends and hadn’t talked to any of his new ones about his problems before. I almost broke and told him the truth a few times, and a few other times I almost blocked him or considered ignoring him online indefinitely, but I figured that could be just as bad. I didn’t want to take Nate away from Jean when he had become the only person he’d talk to about his problems.

It all became worse yet again by the third week. I’m not really sure how the topic was ever brought up, but Jean had started talking about his new friend ‘Nate’ to everyone for the first time. It was genuinely the happiest I had seen him be, and that only made my stomach twist more.

I knew I had to put a stop to this whole charade, but with each passing day, it only seems to get more and more difficult to do. I kept giving myself the excuse that I didn't want to hurt Jean but, while that was true, I know it’s also just because I was scared. Honestly, there was no way where this could end well for either of us.

Still, I knew that the longer I left it the worse it would get. I had been planning out different ways to tell him but I never followed through. I just needed to rip the bandaid off.

“Hey, Jean?”

The blond looked up from where he sat on a park bench, a textbook laid out in front of him. He always went there to revise when the weather was good.

“‘Sup, Jaeger,” he replied, briefly looking up before settling his gaze back down on his work. “What do you need?”

I hesitated a moment, nervously shifting my body weight before moving to sit down opposite him. “Can we talk?” I asked, waiting a moment before adding, “it’s important.”

Jean slowly looked back up to meet my gaze, his brow raising a little. “Okay…?”

I nodded, trying to get my thoughts together so I could say what was going on. I didn’t even know where to start. I wanted to word it in the best possible way but I knew that it was pointless to even try to make it sound less than awful.

“Right. Okay,” I said, my mouth pushing out words before I actually knew what to say. “So… Okay, listen… Uh…”

“Christ, Eren, spit it out.”

I brought my forearms up onto the table, linking my hands together and staring down at them, my thumbs fidgeting nervously. “Right,” I repeated, before taking a deep breath and continuing, “just, first, know that I didn’t mean for it to end up going this far. I know we’re not actually close or anything but I would never, uh, want to intentionally really hurt you or anything.”

Jean furrowed his brows a little, probably figuring out that I must have truly fucked up to be speaking like this. “The fuck did you do now?”

My gaze flickered between him and the table, and I found myself unable to look him in the eye. The action only seemed to freak Jean out more. I’m usually so hot-headed, it was probably weird seeing me act so nervous and quiet.

“That friend of yours,” I finally said, “Nate. I’m, uh… That’s me,” I added, forcing myself to look up again. “I’m Nate.”

Jean’s face went blank for a moment, my words having to process in his mind. His expression quickly morphed into anger, though, his brows narrowing together and his eyes turning as sharp as daggers. I immediately regretted telling him.

“What the fuck?” He spat, his tone scaring me even more than the look on his face. “Is this some kind of fucking joke?” He was standing up now, his hands pressed down onto the table. After a moment of glaring, he moved away, his hands lacing behind his head as he paced back and forth. 

I shuffled off of the bench, thinking of getting closer to him when he turned around and stormed over to me. I actually had to take a few steps back, fear flooding through my body.

“What the hell were you thinking? What, did you want to spread some shit about me or something? Why would you do this?” 

He was a lot closer now, with barely any space left between us. In another situation, I might have found it arousing, but not this time. The pain was clear in his eyes, barely being masked by the raw anger that he was expressing. It was the look of someone who thought they had been completely betrayed.

“Fucking answer me, asshole.”

He shoved me that time, though there was barely any power behind it.

“I didn’t mean for it to end up like this,” I said, my voice shaking. “Please, Jean, you have to believe me-“

“Believe you?” he questioned, cutting me off. “Eren, you fucking lied to me! You let me tell you everything and not once did you fucking do anything to put a stop to it.” His voice was raised, and he only seemed to stop shouting so he could catch his breath. He dragged his hands through his hair, taking a few steps back and turning slightly away from me. “I fucking trusted you,” he whispered, his own voice starting to shake a little.

I pressed my lips together, feeling more guilty than I ever had before. I hated what I had done to Jean, and the waver in his voice only made it all so much worse. I took a small step forward, trying to get a look of his face.

His cheek was wet.

“Jean-,”

“Fuck off, Eren,” he said, his voice so much calmer than before. A shaky breath slipped past his lips.

Against my better judgement, I took another step forward. I reached my hand out slightly, hoping to be able to comfort him somehow, only for him to snap at me once more.

He spun around, harshly shoving me away with both hands, before quickly pulling them back to his sides. He didn’t even bother wiping the obvious tears off his face.

“Seriously, fuck off,” he spat, the anger from before slowly returning. “I don’t want you here. I don’t want you anywhere fucking near me, ever again. I fucking hate you.”

I didn’t move, finding myself stuck in my place as I stared back at him with my eyes wide. The last four words rang in my mind over and over, each of them feeling like a knife to my heart. I didn’t want him to hate me. Even before we became close or anything, I didn’t want him to hate me. Could he really hate me? I knew that what I had done was terrible but surely he couldn’t-

“Go!”

He really shouted that time. The volume itself was enough to get me to snap out of my thought and move backwards, my eyes still locked on his as I did so. The hurt on his face was so unreal, it was almost a relief when I finally looked away from him. 

Unable to do anything else, I walked away, trying my best not to look back at him as I did so. My best clearly wasn’t good enough, though, as I found myself glancing in his direction on multiple occasions. 

/What the hell have I done?/

~

I spent the rest of the day curled up in bed, feeling sorry for myself in a situation where I clearly wasn’t the victim. I stayed lying there for so long that I eventually found myself drifting in and out of sleep, though I was sure it was nowhere near night time.

I found myself waking up again, though this time it was to the sound of my phone going off. I almost ignored it, figuring that it was probably Mikasa trying to check up on me, but I quickly realised that it was a different notification sound to one I would have gotten if that were the case.

It was a Tumblr message notification.

My hand shot up for my phone, my skin scraping against the edge of my bedside table as I did so. I didn’t even give it a moments notice, too busy focusing on the screen in front of me. 

‘I need to talk to you.’ -J

I bit down on my lip, starting to feel nervous. Although I was beyond relieved that Jean had messaged me, the realisation quickly came up that it wasn’t actually me that he was trying to talk to. Of course, he knew that Nate was me, but that didn’t mean that Nate wasn’t the one that he was messaging. Jean could have tried talking to me on Facebook, or even through text, but he hadn’t. 

I sighed. The whole situation was so fucked.

‘What happened?’ -N

I stayed staring at my screen as I awaited a response, chewing nervously on my lip as I did so. Jean replied a whole minute later.

‘Some fucking asshole has been lying to me about shit. I just found out today.’ -J

Were we really going to do this?

‘Really? That fucking sucks, man.’ -N

‘It does. And so does he.’ -J  
‘He’s been doing it for weeks.’ -J

‘He sounds like a total asshole’ -N

It wasn’t even difficult to get into ‘Nate’s’ mindset at this point.

‘That’s because he is one!’ -J

'What a fucking dick' -N

'Exactly.' -J

‘You must really hate him’ -N

He didn’t respond immediately to that as he had with the others. I anxiously tapped my finger against the side of my phone, barely blinking as I stared down at my screen. Five minutes passed by, and I was sure my lip was going to start bleeding from how badly I had been biting it.

Seven minutes.

Nine minutes.

Twelve…

‘I don’t hate you, Eren.’ -J

My heart skipped a beat, tears starting to prick at my eyes. /I don't hate you, Eren/. I began typing out a response before I even knew what I was going to say.

‘You don’t?’ -E

One minute.

Three minutes.

Five minutes…

‘I really don’t.’ -J

My lips curled up into a slight smile. I had genuinely believed that Jean hated me and would never want to see me again. As much as I felt guilty about the whole situation, I also couldn’t bear the thought of losing him. We really had grown close over the past few weeks, even if he hadn’t realised it was me who he had been growing close to.

‘I want to meet up with you.’ -J

My brows perked up at that, my gaze quickly moving to the time. 7:35pm. 

‘Now?’ -E

‘Now. I’ll be at the bench.’ -J

I chewed on my lower lip, already worrying that I might somehow fuck things up again. Shaking the thoughts out of my head, I got up, quickly shoving on a coat and shoes before heading out.

Jean was already waiting when I got there, just as he said he would be. He looked up as I approached him, his eyes looking me over before finally settling on my face, greeting me with a saddened smile.

“Hey,” I greeted, my voice far quieter than usual. 

He watched me sit down opposite him, before replying. “Hey.”

We sat in awkward silence for a few moments, our gaze flicking back and forth from each other. It was so weird seeing him like this. Even though I had hung out with Jean so many times before, part of me felt like I was only just meeting him for the first time.

“Well, this is fucking strange.”

I snorted in response. “You’re the one who wanted to meet up.”

He shrugged. “Yeah, well, I couldn’t leave things the way I did, you know?”

“Yeah,” I breathed, my gaze dropping to my hands. A sigh slipped past my lips. “Look, Jean, I’m really glad you wanted to see me and everything but…” I trailed off a moment, unsure what to say, before looking up at him again. “Why? What made you change your mind and forgive me?”

He gave a pained expression at my words, and I could already guess what he was going to say next from the look on his face alone. 

“Eren, I don’t forgive you.”

Although I had expected it, the words still stung. I couldn’t even blame him for it.

“Then why-?”

“-Because I need you,” he interrupted, before quickly looking away. He swallowed thickly before continuing. “You know I’ve been struggling with shit recently. Life is fucking hard and Nate was the only thing getting me through it and, well, Nate is you, so… I need you.”

I offered him a small smile, hoping that my guilt didn’t look like pity. Jean hated it when people looked at him with pity. “Then, I’m not going anywhere,” I said, reaching over to give his hand a gentle squeeze. To my surprise, he didn’t pull away - at least, not immediately.

“Glad to hear it,” he said, giving a small nod as he spoke. “Hey, uh, do you wanna come over to my place? My mum is going out for some dinner and I don’t want to be left alone right now.”

My brows raised up slightly at that, and my surprise must have been apparent because he quickly looked away from me, looking nervous. “Yeah, I’ll come,” I answered quickly, not wanting him to look so anxious. “I mean, if you really want me to.”

“Well, I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want you to,” he replied, his tone sounding matter-of-fact. Without another word, he turned on his heel, shoving his hands in his pockets as he started walking off in the direction of where I assumed he lived.

The walk was short - only ten minutes or so. As we reached our destination, Jean fished out his keys from his pocket, letting me inside before closing the door behind us.

Jean lived in an old-fashioned looking bungalow, with old stone walls covering the outside. Inside, however, looked a little more modern, with clean wooden floors and bright, white walls. The furniture itself didn’t look expensive, exactly, but the whole atmosphere gave the impression that the interior had been set out by someone with a professional eye.

“Shoes off by the rack,” he directed, and when a quirked a brow at him he simply gave a shrug. “My mum likes things to stay clean.”

“Fair enough,” I said, doing as he asked before following him to the living room. “What exactly did you have in mind for us this evening?”

Jean hummed lightly as he turned on the television and an Xbox, before spinning around and offering a small smile, waving a controller in the air. “Figured we can’t go wrong with gaming and movies.”

“Sounds good," I grinned. "Though, we can’t watch a movie without popcorn,” I said, before quickly pressing my lips together. “Uh, I mean, you know… Or not. Or yes? I mean, uh, obviously we don’t need popcorn to, uh…”

Jean rolled his eyes, his lips curling up into a slight smile. “Chill, Eren. You don’t have to act so cautiously around me. Besides, popcorn is actually not that bad for me.”

“Really?”

“Really,” he repeated, walking over to sit down on the sofa. “Shame we don’t have any, though.”

“Lame,” I groaned, though I kept a small grin on my lips as I did so. I sat down beside him, pulling my legs up to sit on the sofa. “So, what video games have you got to offer?”

“Take a look,” he said, handing the controller over to me. “Only a few are split screen but you can choose whatever.”

I gave a small hum as I looked through the options, eventually deciding on some zombie game that we could play together. Jean set up a second controller and before long we were blasting the undead as a team, as well as arguing who was doing better (it was me, obviously). We carried on until we got too bored to go any further, and ended up deciding that we should just watch a movie.

“Your house is fucking cold,” I muttered, reaching down to grab my coat from the floor

Jean rolled his eyes, his gaze set on the screen as he tried to find something for us to watch. “You’re just weak,” he said, before reaching over to tug my coat away from me. “Just go steal one of my hoodies or a blanket or something, okay? Furthest room on the left.”

“Wow, I really am blessed,” I retorted sarcastically, though I was actually thankful for the offer.

I headed off in the direction that Jean sent me in, trying not to stare too much at the family photos that filled the area. He looked kind of cute as a child.

Jean’s room seemed uncharacteristically neat, aside from the desk in the corner that had sketchbooks and pencils scattered across its whole surface. The room itself looked like something you’d see on Instagram or Pinterest, with most of his stuff sticking to a black and white theme, as well as some rose gold accents here and there.

Seriously. Rose gold.

It felt like I had walked into a beauty guru’s dream.

Remembering why I had actually gone to Jean’s room, I started looking through his drawers for something to wear. It only took a few moments of searching around for me to find a nice, oversized grey jumper. I went to pull it out, but my brows were pulled together when I heard a small rustling sound as I did so.

Not even taking a moment to consider the fact that looking through people’s shit is wrong, I started moving around Jean’s clothes to find the source of the noise. It wasn’t long before I found a white, plastic bag, which made my nose twitch as I pulled it out.

I untied the knot that had been made to close it, only to be met with an unbelievably vile stench. Looking inside, I found that the bag was full of old food that had been there for fuck-knows how long. 

After staring for what was probably a whole minute, I quickly snapped myself back into reality and hurried to put everything back where I had found it. As much as I wanted to talk to Jean about it, I knew that it would most likely do more harm than good, and would also break any trust he had left in me.

Grabbing the jumper, I made my way out of the room, relieved to find that Jean was still busy trying to find a decent movie to watch.

“Took your time.”

“Sorry,” I mumbled tugging the jumper over my shoulders. “I, uh, couldn’t find a blanket.”

“Ah, well, there should be one somewhere behind the sofa if you still want it.”

I raised my brows a little before moving around to the back of the sofa, immediately finding a blanket. “You really couldn’t have just grabbed it yourself?” 

“I wasn’t the one who was complaining that it’s cold,” he said simply, though when I sat down beside him, he tugged the blanket over so it was covering him as well.

“I guess you’re right,” I chuckled, shifting a little closer to him. To my surprise, he didn’t move away but instead moved closer as well. Without saying anything, he started up the movie, before wrapping an arm around me and tugging me closer to rest on his side.

A shaky breath slipped past my lips, my eyes closing as I leant against him. Jean had slowly become closer to me over the past few weeks, and I was just now realising how much I never wanted to let him go. Contentment flooded through me as I relaxed against him, his body providing a feeling of warmth and safety.

“Jean,” I mumbled, my voice quiet.

“Hm?”

“I need you too, you know. Really, I do, and I don’t want anything to get in the way of that,” I admitted, biting down on my lip as I thought back to the plastic bag in his bedroom. “Just… Promise you won’t leave.”

Silence, then a quiet sigh. 

“I promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> oops I put off finishing Polar so I could post this instead... Hope you guys liked it!


End file.
